I Didn’t Attend Classes Because I Run Out of Fashion Gear and Failed to Put My Wine Lipstick On
This is the first series of girls talking about their experiences on dressing and dolling up
I am a 22 years old girl who put that title on bold and honesty. There are times for me when I could not bring myself out of my room and go out to do my activities because I could not find the right outfit for today’s activity according to my circumstances. Just like there are times for me when I could not doll up perfectly the way I want to present. I can consider myself as a girl who put a lot of conscious effort to dress up and doll up just to get people appreciation and approval. Call me shallow, but I am being honest here. For the past three years, for me, dress up and doll up are like my armor to go on a battle. You cannot go on a battle without your armor, right? So what kind of battle? That is what I am trying to find out.
The Beginning of Excitement
My experience in dress and doll up is started in 2013, the beginning of Uni life. I lived in a rented room with my closest friends and continue to live with them until 3 years; they are my biggest influences that intrigue me to dress and doll up. I never care about the outfit and makeup until I finally realize that I look so pale and childish and unequipped and not decent and even not healthy when I went out with them. When I remember it, even the “cheerleader effect” (a famous term by How I Met Your Mother Series) was not a help. That is how dramatic my before and after dress and doll up life according to me.
I still remember my first encounter on makeup; it was an Arabian lips moisturizer you can find in Haji Equipment Store. I never wear anything to color up my lips before this. It was like a stick of greatness, not too much for it because it really did change my look. I mean, girls with makeup on know that colored lips did change everything. For me, lip color has been my favorite tool ever since, that is one thing I can NOT miss.
Now, after almost four years living with makeup I cannot go without it at all! My go out daily routine would be BB cream, powder, eyeliner (sometimes), eye shadow, mascara, blush on and lip color. For me it was not a heavy look, a “natural” one! I always go for this, for night I only change the shade on lips and eyes, and then that’s it. I can say that I am still a beginner in makeup seeing lots of techniques I haven’t equipped yet. But, I have reason, I feel like I do not need them yet because I am still struggling in Uni life, the contouring, the highlighting, the variety in look, like glam, nude, rock, blah blah is enough by just being acknowledged without really trying the errors, just like many shades of eye shadow palette that I just went by every time at the makeup counter. I do not have many occasions which need a certain look, so I still can survive with only this.
Well, my male friends sometimes even dare me to go out with bare face! By bare face they mean without lip color or balm, powder or moisturizer. Well, lip balm and moisturizer are not makeup baby, those are skin care products I cannot live without. It will be totally easy maybe 10 years earlier, I can’t find it easy too even if I was at my junior high school, I still need powder with a one level lighter than my skin tone on. I think the main purpose of makeup in a deep psychology context is essentially the same with putting clothes on or dress up, it is a conscious art to represent who we want to present. In my daily basis, makeup does not change my personality, yet it changed my look. Makeup bring the best of me when I got everything right, it gave me a chance to boost what best in me, like a scene in Miss Congeniality by Sandra Bullock as she shines on her walk at Miss United States Final Round. Yes! It gave me that confidence like “Yes! I’m ready to be Miss Indonesia today”, no shame on that!
Fail to Go to the Party
Let me tell you, the worst part is when I cannot present the persona I want to build on my appearance by makeup and dress up to the point where I just can’t go outside! A small thing like going for a two SKS class, a lunch with my best friends or just going for a stroll at a mall. It is not that I have no confidence without them; the failure at putting them on and not rocking them on is eating me in one wide deep gallop. Before, there is nothing happen like this but then I got better at putting make up on and dressing up, it is just eating me inside whenever I fail. I know exactly when I put a good make up and rock on my look as well as I know when I put a messy one and look not decent for my own justification. This is unhealthy and I know it. The purpose of makeup and dress up is not making you feel less whenever you don’t put them on. So, my journeys to find the purpose of putting make up and the important of dress up, begin.
The Sacred Journey to Find a Persona which Failed
There is a study indicates that men perceive women who wear makeup to be more prestigious, while women perceive other women who wear makeup to be more dominant, and also more promiscuous. Well BEING REALLY HONEST HERE, I cannot really consider myself dress up and doll up for my own self, it is obvious for me that I put effort on my appearance for others, both men and women, not to justify their standard but more likely to look good for my own good. When people around me look good whether or not they put effort to do so, it is such a burden for me not to compliment them by words or simply making sure my own look and appearance is also good.
This article’s argument about the reason why women put effort on their look and appearance is quite interesting. It stated here, that the reason behind was the competition among the women itself which drove them to put effort on look and appearance. One might argue that this is further evidence of insecurity about their appearance produced by the burden of being evaluated by men based on their appearance (lookism). Yet, men often evince a frustrating obliviousness to the beauty endeavors of their women. This is true, my male friends joke around about how we put make up aggressively, and from my own experiences, I never heard my man wanted or even agreed whenever I want to spent more time and money on my appearance. I don’t totally buy this, I cannot really call it as competition, if it is a competition, we never declare the winner and there is no justification or jury on the panel. There is a certain standard and value on makeup and dress up which all women have to comply to be the winner, but there isn’t. I cannot stand how it blames on women that it is our own competition that burdens us or me, in particular. It is not a competition, it never was. If some people felt like that it is a competition, dig deeper and understand yourself better.
Certainly, there is much more to a woman’s personality (and appeal) than appearance. And I agree, to stay in the job market one day after I graduate is not by having the most flawless winged liner or the most appealing lip color or the most flattering eye shadow tone. But I have to agree on this one too, so long as looks continue to impact how we come off to others and it is safe to say there is no shame on putting what makes you look better one and know when to remove it or at least lay it on lighter, everything is set!
It is not the persona that I am looking for. It is a journey that I am longing for, to finally state that the effort on my look and appearance is my conscious effort to be myself and a proof that I love myself (sounds narcissistic, but who cares when you know that you, yourself understand and have the capability to explain what ever you are doing). I do care so I try to understand better.